A confused post on my status | Off Topic | Forum

Hello, Veterans. As a fair warning, this post make take some time to go through.

     So, this post will most likely seem like rambling, and it probably is. To state the topic clearly right now, I may be leaving Veterancraft. There's multiple reasons why, and I will get to them on this post. The first thing that caused me to consider this was the fact that I don't have much motivation to continue Sancti Machina. I feel that I'm not very good at building, but obviously that alone isn't enough to give up. The only reason why I have been on VC recently has been to build something special and share it with all of you, but lately I've been thinking that my work has lost any interest it previously had.

     I've been told that if I don't think it's worth continuing Sancti Machina, I should try doing another project. The issue with this is that I want to do a project that I will want to keep going with and one that will gain some interest as well. I have wanted to continue Sancti Machina, but I don't have much motivation when no one seems interested. This project - like any project - takes real time out of my life to do, and I don't gain much satisfaction out of it when I'm the only one enjoying it. It may just be that I'm ignorant and haven't noticed much support when I have gotten plenty, but I have yet to have received any replies on any of my posts regarding Sancti Machina since it started. I can't really think of many other projects I'd be willing to put a lot of effort into, so I'm somewhat drained in the building category. And, unfortunately, I have little interest in doing much else on the server. One more reason why I don't expect to continue Sancti Machina is because I'm very bad at planning ahead. As you all might have noticed, I sort of make up the plans as I work on the city. I have had the idea of building a central structure in the city to serve as a monorail system to all four compass directions, but I'm not sure I should really continue making plans for that when I don't expect to be continuing construction anyway. I know I should enjoy my projects myself, but this isn't a project that I will get any real payback for. I'm not being paid to do it, I'm not being rewarded, and it will not straighten my life out in any way. The real payback for doing projects like this is knowing that other people enjoy your work, and it doesn't help me that no one seems to enjoy it.

     Now, my reasons for leaving have nothing to do with the behavior of the community. I am confident that I will never find a community on Minecraft as mature and friendly as all of you, or on most games, for that matter. I don't plan to be going to any other survival server. If I were to leave, I would only ever play solo for a good, vanilla experience, and only for the period in which you are actually struggling to survive with low resources. If I do happen to leave, I'd just like to say that I'm going to miss all of you very much and I've enjoyed playing in VC. 

     That being said, I have lots of regrets on this server in the past that I feel make me a rather immature individual. I don't even need to tell you of all the times I've publicly complained about personal subjects, talking on and on as if this server were a psychologist. I acknowledge that none of you should be forced to listen to any of my inner turmoil, and I should have known when to stop talking so much about my problems. I've also had times where I've tried to act with integrity, doing good deeds without anyone knowing. But some of these times I've drawn attention to those good deeds and pretended that they weren't my doing, and it only showed how foolish I was to try and gain petty enjoyment from little acts that I seemed to think were major feats of charity and good will. I don't think many of you will remember specifically which event I'm talking about, but it involved me replacing a bunch of letters in the free chests spelled out with dirt blocks with diamond blocks. I'm glad I grew ashamed of that rather quickly after realizing how much attention I was calling to it.

     Most of my regrets simply had to do with my big mouth, always talking when I shouldn't. That may be the cause of this post as well. Acts like the ones I have recently mentioned make me question my self image of being a mature 14-year old. I do know that I am not wise whatsoever, so I cannot really conclude how mature, or even intelligent, I am. I apologize for all of these previous displays of immaturity, as well as all of the others that I have not mentioned. (Believe me, there were certainly others I did not mention.)

     The last reason that I may be quitting is because I most likely have better things to do. Since Arda began, the only thing I've been doing has been work on Sancti Machina. Also since Arda began, I have started high school, and in a rather difficult program for Engineering. Although I could probably pass just by doing all of my homework and getting a decent amount of answers correct on my tests, I have recently decided that I want to try and achieve becoming the Valedictorian in my Senior year, and that will take a huge amount of effort, especially now that I know who I'm up against. Considering how my routine has been so far, my new schedule does not in any way hinder me from being able to get on Veterancraft. However, getting on VC as of recent has required for me to somewhat break my routine. It may only be once every 30 days to keep my stuff, but it takes while for me to boot up Minecraft, and I often want to stay on for longer than 5 minutes when I get on. This wouldn't be so bad if the only reason for me to keep my stuff wasn't just to continue building a project I've lost the will to complete. If I just want to get on to say "hi," I don't need to keep my stuff. I know it may seem silly that I take this server so seriously since it's just a game, but as I have said earlier, it takes real time out of my life to get on and stay dedicated to this server.

     Considering how much I've talked about not truly knowing how mature I am, this post may very well be another display of immaturity. It may just be some subconscious desire for attention. I'm not saying that this decision is final and that you should definitely prepare for my departure, as this decision really hurts to make. I don't want to leave Veterancraft, but I'm slowly thinking that it just might be for the best that I do so. And, for all I know, this post may be very unimportant, whether it be because I decide not to leave or because no one will notice that I'm gone. Despite either of those possibly being the eventual truth, I am glad that I have played on this server and I have loved being here with all of you. Once again and potentially for the last time, goodbye.

-Zakur

(P.S. If I decide to leave, Winter Break is most likely going to be last period for which I will actually be on the server. If I decide not to leave, I will probably ask a moderator to lock this thread and have it sink to the depths of essentially deleted posts.)